One can imagine how Vikram Bhatt pitched the fourth instalment of the Raaz franchise, Raaz Reboot, to the Bhatts. Imagining portions of the conversation where Vikram says, "The Raaz franchise is becoming predictable, we need to reboot this franchise with two unknown faces. The money we save in hiring two newcomers, we'll invest in shooting in Romania. For the nostalgia value we have Emraan Hashmi, who will play a role he has never essayed before - a creepy, stalker-ish ex-boyfriend. We'll include some Romanian folklore, but in the end the spirit will be exorcised by praying to Vishnu bhagwaan." The Bhatts clap and agree to bankroll the movie. The scares are nothing we've not seen before. To be honest, Raaz Reboot is not a boring film. It is so unintentionally hilarious that they might as well have marketed this as India's first 'unintentionally-hilarious-horror-comedy with violins and sex'. Raaz Reboot might still go on to make money, like its predecessors in the franchise. But do we as the Indian audience need to assaulted with such banal, comical horror every single time the Bhatts have some money to make a film? Nope. So if you still go ahead and spend money on a movie like this, you DESERVE more movies like these. And thou shalt not complain about the poor state of horror movies in India. Thou absolutely shalt not.

The fourth edition of the Raaz series takes us to Romania, specifically Transylvania, just so the caretaker of a large house can intone: yes, this is Dracula country. Instantly, you want to look out for skulking fellows in black robes, empty eyes, and bloody fangs. Instantly, you are all prepared to shiver and shudder. Instead, you shake with laughter that is entirely unintended. Because Rahaan (Gaurav Arora) and his pretty wife Shaina (Kriti Kharbanda), and a shadowy blast from her past Aditya (Emraan Hashmi) spend all their time talking thusly: ‘kuch toh raaz hai’, ‘kya raaz hai’, ‘kahin toh raaz chhupa hai’, ‘yeh raaz hamein alag kar dega’, over and anon, till this purported ‘raaz’ starts coming out of our ears, but refuses to come in front of our eyes. The shenanigans of Emraan Hashmi, Gaurav Arora and Kriti Kharbanda are supposed to be scary. What you get instead is unintended humour. PS: Emraan Hashmi doing mouth-to-mouth we can deal with even if it is ultra-familiar. But Hashmi in a man bun? Now that’s apt for a horror film.